Recently read and shared an article on my facebook entitled, “The Beauty And Pain Of Falling In Love With The Right Person At The Wrong Time“.
As the title suggests, the author describes a relationship to demonstrate the complexities of human interaction and our essential understanding of Love. I totally agree with the fact that the we heavily rely on media and its notions of love are more or less, childish or inaccurate. We somehow get into the notions that falling in love is like a fairy tale that eventually ends, “Happily Ever After”.
Sorry Sleeping Beauty, that just isn’t the case.
Like the author, Paul Hudson suggests, just as easily we fall in love, we also fall out. Have you every had that speech?.. That Line? – “Its not you, its me.”… ?
Well, I have had and I wasn’t even in a relationship with her; I was just in love. She was in a place that she couldn’t accept any attention from anyone and she wasn’t sure about which one of us was right for her. Yes, there was another guy.
Again, you see that its not about whether there is another person or not, the question remains simple – How do you know that the person you’re in love with is the right one? Most who are in happy marriages say that phrase, “Oh, You know..” No…I don’t.. That’s why I’m asking…
Paul suggests that chances are that you’re with or in love with the right person, or you once were; but you missed it due to one simple flaw in the relationship – You. We all make compromises for the ones we love, but you’re not up to the job, the relationship is doomed to fail.
They say that the person who loves you will love you completely, even your flaws.. Get Off..
They’ll love you in spite of your flaws. Trust me, he/she may find such things cute and endearing at first, but after a while, its just going to be plain annoying.
The idea of wrong timing in a relationship rather that the wrong person is most likely the reason for my brother’s failed marriage. Calling that a mistake that shouldn’t have happened is clearly stating that the child born out of it, shouldn’t even exist. Imagine telling the kid that. As a believer in God, that doesn’t strike me as true. There is a plan and purpose for that child.
No, the real failure there was the fact that my brother was young and clearly wasn’t mature enough to handle the responsibility of being a husband and father. Neither was his wife.
Paul said it best – “You are giving up on certain things, making concessions and compromises in order to give yourself to the other person. You are devoting a chunk of your life, your thoughts, your dreams and your future to them.” In short, they weren’t able to be the people they needed to be for that relationship to survive.
My bet for successful relationship lies with the fact that you don’t just want to grow old with the person, but you want to grow up with that person as well. Every day of our lives changes us in some way or at least gives us a new perspective on things. For a relationship to thrive, it means growing and maturing together is most likely the key.
“What do you do when you find the right person, but cannot love that person the way he or she deserves to be loved? If we aren’t willing to make the tradeoffs then there is really only one thing you can do… you have to let that person go.” – Paul Hudson.
So what happens when you do realise that you were with someone some time ago who was perfect for you, but the relationship ended because you weren’t able to be what he/she needed you to be. What do you do? Chances are that person has matured as well and no longer requires you to be or love him/her the way that he/she needed you to back then.
There may be a chance for the both of you to get back together and make a better start. But what if you both are already in new relationships? Then take a lesson and be the person that you need to be for the one you’re with now.
Truth be told, Love does not die completely. When one relationship ends, provided you’ve grown from the experience, you should trust that you’ll find love again.
Taking my brother as an example, he after his failed marriage, he got into relationship after relationship; each ending in disaster. But when he was able to look beyond himself & mature enough to a point, he attracted the right person who is able to be the one he needs now. Now they have a chance to mature and grow together.