Girl Trouble

Am I Safe?

The-Incredible-Hulk-image-the-incredible-hulk-36385702-1215-1280Sometime ago, I posted something about myself having issues with anger (Bitter or Better).
In all honesty, living in Dubai, there leaves a whole lot to be desired; some things that you wish that you could do something to change, but can’t. Some things just are going to make you angry.
If you live here, you are just going to have to accept things are the way they are and if you do that, you will not have any issues.

After many months of bearing it and not loosing my temper, I had a moment of weakness. I lost it while stuck in traffic and then trying to find parking while on a crunch time. I do not know if it was the stress or anything, but in a fit anger I just hit the top of the steering wheel in my car and the next minute I knew the section where the horn and airbag is loose and hanging. I tried to put it back and it seems that some plastic components underneath also gave way. Its a good thing that I wasn’t driving the Alfa that day, otherwise the repair cost would be expensive.

This got me thinking though. What force did I hit the steering wheel for the shock to break that stuff..?
What if that wasn’t a wheel..? What if I hit someone with that same force?…

They say that barking dogs seldom bite. So its the quiet people who keep things bottled up are the one more likely to snap & go around one day, shooting people at random.
More or less the case when you hear of all these random shootings and stuff. Not so random after all… eh?

My question that I’m struggling with is, am I safe..? Can others feel safe around me? I don’t want to come to a point where I suddenly loose control and hurt the people around me or make them feel uneasy around me.
Due to my Christian upbringing, I was always thought to show restraint and to always walk away from a fight. To always never throw the punch, even though you’ve received quite a few yourself for no fault of your own.
So I kept most of my feelings bottled up. There were moments when I snapped for 2 seconds and hit someone; causing more him more pain that he actually deserved.
Its quite often the case that an angry person at the point of rage, is considerably stronger. In my case, it feels more than that.
No… I do not turn into a green hulk, but that would be much more easier to explain. 😛

So what can I do to stop these sudden bursts of rage?
One method, I actually learned from Bruce Banner himself.
In the Avengers movie, the asked him what his secret was to stop himself from becoming the Hulk; a secret he revealed in the final battle…
“Captain America – Doctor, now might be a good time for you to get angry.
Bruce Banner – That’s my secret Captain. I’m always angry.”

The one thing that I took from that statement is that rather than bottling things up, Bruce Banner managed to control his anger by being angry at that point and then maybe possibly letting it loose in some way.
Another thing is to do like what I said in the beginning of this post. Accept that there are just some things that you are not going to do anything about or change and deal with it no matter how angry is makes you feel.

That is my plan for now. I certainly hope it works. 😦


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