It's just Me...

The Creature Within

Everyone likes Heroes. Us guys love the idea of a superhero and let’s face it, we all wish we could be like Batman, Superman or even IronMan; doing great things for the sake of humanity. In truth, I’m wasn’t much of a Ironman fan until the new movies came out. That first movie was and still remains one of the best I’ve seen. While everyone would wish to be like Tony Stark or Bruce Wayne, my admiration lies with another Bruce; Bruce Banner – The Incredible Hulk.

My fav heroes, have flaws. And its inevitably their flaws that become humanity’s saviors. The Hulk, Beast (from the X-Men), Wolverine, these are at the top of my list. People will wonder why these heroes. Well, to me, I somehow identify with them. I understand the struggles of trying to remain human while something within is raging to get loose. In the recent Avengers movie, Bruce Banner was portrayed by Mark Ruffalo so well. You could see the torment in his eyes.

Beast has a similar story. When he wasn’t looking like a monster, Hank McCoy was a rather normal, mild mannered genius. He tries to make sure that his mutation does not get the better of him with portions, chemicals, etc. In the end the creature forces its way out and its only with help of the Professor X that he manages to regain complete control of himself and the creature he was meant to be. Now he looks like a monster, but has the heart and soul of a mild mannered man.

We all have our demons, so to speak. Things that we’d like to remain hidden. Some more so that others. I’m not sure whether my issue is rather psychological or physical or mix of both.

Some time ago, I posted on a dream, linked here, that I’ve been having ever since I was a teenager. I have to apologize here as I wasn’t completely open. For reasons and details that I’ll explain in another post, I have the feeling of an animal growing inside of me, trying to get out. I notice that there are some days that my senses are completely heightened to a level and others, they’re completely normal. I notice mannerisms that aren’t part of normal human behavior.

Maybe I just need to see a psychiatrist. This certainly isn’t part of normal human being. This started long before the dreams or dream. I did note that the more I suppressed the urges and my senses, that was when the dreams started.

I’m keeping a leveled head about it. Not giving in to what I feel and trying to keep calm and cool about what is happening around me and in me; even the stuff that should stress me out.

No, its not like I’m going to become a raging Hulk or grow claws and teeth if I get mad or angry; although it does feel like that will happen sometimes, whether I’m mad or not. The truth of the matter is, when I was a kid, we had that whole mutant thing going around in the 80s. From the Ninja Turtles to the X-men, they were all over the media. Being young and impressionable, I wished that I could be one of them. Now as an adult, I’d give anything just to be normal.


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